


Return to Sender

by siruru



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 1940s, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, F/M, Future Fic, Lost Love, Love Letters, Mutual Pining, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Post-Black Panther (2018), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Time Skips, Waiting, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-05-03 18:09:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14574645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siruru/pseuds/siruru
Summary: James Buchanan Barnes loves Dolores Lewis. At least, that’s how history makes it out to be.[1940′s!Reader/Bucky Barnes]





	1. 1998/1940.

**Author's Note:**

> I am just letting you all know that this isn’t having a happy ending cause I am going to follow canon.

_New York, New York - December 8th, 1998_ _  
_ _  
_ _Today, a rare set of letters were sold to Christine’s by an anonymous donor. The letters are claimed to have been written by one Sgt. James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes, once member of the legendary Howling Commandos and childhood friend of Captain America. All letters are written pre-World War II and are romantic in nature, addressed to one Dolores Lewis, a native of Brooklyn, NY and love interest of Sgt. Barnes in his early years._ _  
_ _  
_ _The former Ms. Lewis would go on to marry a Stanley Callaway, a Manhattan stock broker and World War II veteran, in 1946 with whom she would have four children with. She passed away earlier this year. Her family has made no public comment in regards to the letters’ discovery._ _  
_ _  
_ _Sgt. Barnes is the only Howling Commando to die in active duty during the war effort._ _  
_ _  
_James Buchanan Barnes swears that he is in love with the prettiest girl that you have seen this side of the Brooklyn Bridge. Dot is the loveliest thing you have seen with big brown eyes and fairy red hair to show off when she gets temperamental, which is often but Bucky Barnes loves her, and by the third week he’s swearing that he’ll marry her. The whole shebang – 2 kids, a nice apartment (maybe a house if he works really hard), a beautiful wedding with her dressed in white – all Steve does is roll his eyes because he has seen Bucky lovestruck before and it never ends well. By the sixth week, he is meeting her parents and that’s when it all goes to hell.  
  
“ ‘aid I was a no-good hooligan,” Bucky starts  up again with a tired look on his face, as he loosens the tie around his neck,“that got into fights. S'not what he wants for his daughter.”  
  
Steve watches Bucky pace back and forth in anger within their small apartment. The new suit he had struggled to buy with his dock pay is crumpled up in places and lose in others. There is a shattered look on his best friend’s face and Steve for a moment questions if Bucky was really serious about Dot, I mean he had fancied her since they were kids. However, Dot was also known to swing the guys around as fast as Bucky did with the gals. He also knew that from the local market gossip that Dot was eyeing one of them rich fellas that owned some of the shops near the docks – upcoming money.   
  
That’s when Dot stops talking to him all together, starts spending all her time in Manhattan where her father has sent her to take secretarial classes. Bucky doesn’t seem like himself -no playful antics, no charismatic smiles- and Steve thinks he’s wrong about how serious his oldest friend was for Dot, or Dottie as he hears others call her by that name now.   
  
“If she ain’t living with her parents,” Steve breaches the subject on their way back to the apartment a few weeks after Dot has left,“why don’t you try writing her a letter?"   
  
”Like a love letter?“ Bucky questions because Bucky Barnes didn’t write love letters, he received them.   
  
"Maybe, that’s what you need to show how serious ya are,” Steve shrugs and that gets the ball rolling on Bucky writing a letter, and spending time looking at through his younger sisters’ old school books to get “inspiration”, while putting in a thing or two on his own with his never ending charm. Steve never sees Bucky’s letter and he isn’t sure if that’s a good or bad thing, but he seems pretty proud of it when he sends it away on a bright Friday morning before heading to work.   
  
It takes 3 days for the letter to come back, a return to sender but there is something unique about it, as him and Bucky stare at the small envelope for a while.  
  
 ** _Return to Sender: Wrong address, lover boy._ **  
  
Bucky sent it to the wrong gal.    


	2. 2000/1940

_New York, New York - June 27th, 2000_

**SALE:** 10 Letters belonging to Stg. James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes, former Howling Commando and friend of Captain America.

**Total:** $30,000. Details of buyer to remain private, though related to Smithsonian Museum in Washington D.C.

**_MEMO:_ ** Authenticity of Sgt. Barnes’ writing has been confirmed. Mrs. Lewis, at this point, is still questionable.

* * *

 Candice eyes a small envelope with intrigue as she enters her shared apartment after another day of secretarial classes. It had the same name on it as before _To: Dolores Lewis, From: James Barnes._ The last one had caused quite the stir with the rest of the girls on the floor, but Dottie had paid no mind to the romantic love letter, as many of said girls had sighed over the context of it. The boy, whoever he is, was in love with the petite redhead but Dot was already going steady with someone else, Stan, if she remembered correctly.  The collective hearts of everyone in that room that night broke, well all except one.

“Hey, you got a response to the letter,” Candice exclaims, as she places the new envelope on the desk neatly situated in front of the window. Eyes look up, as the feminine face scowls for a moment.

“He wrote back!” you scoff in disbelief, as you look at the letter. You had been in the room that night Dot had showed off the letter from some hapless boy in Brooklyn that was so obviously in love with her. While, most of the girls had been over the moon, you were more rational in saying that this boy sounded like a Romeo in that he could fall for anything that moved -- Dot had agreed.

_Bucky Barnes is the sleaziest guy in all of Brooklyn. Hell, all of  New York!_   

Dot had declared, and in some ways you could agree with her, I mean she was the sleaziest girl you knew since she had moved in, even though she was suppose to be going steady with somebody. But, still all the girls felt bad for him and with your “unbiased” opinion, everyone had decided that you should be the one to send it back. You just didn’t think he was going to answer.

“Well, open it!” Candice taps her hand on the desk impatiently, as you cut the envelope open with a letter opener. One sheet of paper, folded neatly with only a few words -- completely different from his declaration of love from before.  

> _Dear Whoever This Is,_
> 
> _Thank ya for letting me know._
> 
> _\--Signed,_
> 
> _James Barnes_

“Well, that’s that,” you huff out the anticlimactic feeling the letter gives you, before you proceed to throw into the trash, except Candice doesn’t let you do that. She grabs the letter with that familiar look in those pretty green eyes of her, though you have known the gal long enough to know that little pout on her lips meant trouble for you.

“Answer back,” she smiles, as you raise an eyebrow. Now, Candice had a lot of ideas in all the years you had known her, but this one sounded like the stupidest so far.

“Why should I?” you cross your hands over your chest in protest. A scowl on your face as you lean into the chair a bit more. Then, those bright red lips smirk and you know you’re done for.

“I don’t think Dottie is right on her assumption. He seems sweet, just **needs** the right gal, and you _need_ love in your life. Do it this one time, for me.”

“If not?”

“We’re going to the dancing halls again.”

* * *

 Steve frowns at the blue envelope sitting on the table, as he waits for Bucky to get home from his latest dock shift. It had taken sometime, in “Bucky time” 2 days was a lot of time wasted, for his old friend to overcome the letter and the fact that Dot didn’t care. Both of them were aware that she was at that secretarial school, but either she hadn’t seen the letter or wanted nothing to do with it, and that broke Bucky’s heart. It wasn’t until last night that he had dragged the blond to the dance halls again. As much as Steve disliked it, he was happy Bucky was slowly coming back to his old self, though he wasn’t sure how this might change that.

“What’re ya staring at, punk?” Bucky’s voice flitters into from the entrance of the room, as he stands next to the table. Steve doesn’t answer the question. A curious look plasters itself on Bucky face when he sees the letter addressed to him. Steve motions at him to open it and after shaking out of his stupor, Bucky rips the side of the letter and begins to read it out loud. He takes a seat halfway through amd runs a hand through his matted hair, as Steve lets the words sink in.    

> _Dear James,_
> 
> _I am sorry to have intercepted  your rejected love letter. If I may be so bold to ask, what do you even like about Dot? What makes your heart flutter when thinking about her? I mean, I know her and..._
> 
> _However, I am not very aware of the subject of love, so what does it for you? Why keep trying?_
> 
> _Please let me know, or disregard this letter from a foolish person._
> 
> _\--Sincerely,_
> 
> _A Very Curious Person_

“What do ya think?” Bucky questions, as his blue eyes flitter over the writing over and over again. Steve knows that he’s hooked, Bucky had always been a curious person by default (and on the side a bit of a romantic, though he denies it) and this questioning has grabbed his attention. There was no stopping Bucky Barnes, he has that sort of single-minded stubborness when it came to certain things, but maybe it could help him move on as well.

“Go for it,” Steve smiles, as Bucky grins before getting up and grabbing some pieces of drawing paper, already getting too many ideas inside his head that he needed to write them down.


	3. 2005/1940.

_Pittsburgh, PA -- May 20th, 2005_

_To whom this may concern,_

_With the recent news of the letters of Stg. James Barnes not corresponding with that of Mrs. Callaway, I would like to connect with someone in regards to some letters in my current possession that are addressed to a “Bucky Barnes”. They were in my mother’s home (she lived in Manhattan until WW2 ended) until her passing. I have attached a copy of some of them._

_This doesn’t look her writing, but I am also unaware of how she could have come into possession of them -- she was a very private person about that time in her life._

_Sincerely,_

_Alice Davis._

* * *

Candice looks at you with bright eyes and a huge grin, as you receive your second letter from James Barnes. The first had been a rather long winded explanation on how he had fallen in love with Dottie and what he had fallen in love with, though he even seem to raise the question on whether he was still in love her. The man had admitted to falling in and out, more like an infatuation it seemed like to you, with girls all the time. He was a womanizer yes, but it generally seemed like he wanted that type of life -- a wife, kids, and a white picket fence. You didn’t really understand what it was like to live that sort of dream.

 

> _Maybe the concept of love comes from the type of home ya live in. My parents loved each other, you could see it until my Pa passed and they worked hard to show that to my sisters and me. So, why don’t ya tell me about yourself, Curious Person?_

That was the end of his most recent letter and you were a little scared, the man had gotten so personal and philosophical so quickly, sure this couldn’t be the same Bucky Barnes that Dottie had screamed about all those nights ago. You turn to look at your best friend with a nod, as she drops her smile.

“I think I should stop while I’m ahead, Candy,” your voice trembles at the end while holding the letter, ready to crumple it, as she grabs you by the shoulders.

“The fella’s just curious about ya,” she steadies you, as you let out an annoyed sigh. It was such a stupid idea to begin with, why were you doing this again?

“What am I gonna tell him?” you fight back,”Ya family sounds wonderful. Maybe, I don’t know anything like you cause I’ve been an orphan since birth.”

“Peaches,” you keep frowning, tears evident in the corners of your eyes  as she calls you by your childhood nickname, “You’re the most loving person I know, a little rough around the edges, but sweet. If he can’t see that, we’ll stop.”

“You’re talking like I’m gonna fall in love,” you state softly.

“Mmm...you’re saying it not me,” is all Candice says as she hands you another piece of paper and pen.

* * *

 Bucky wonders if he came off too strong in his most recent letter, especially since it’s two weeks since he had sent it and there was still no response. He had asked Steve everyday if the mailman had arrived, even went to the office to make sure they hadn’t messed up. He wasn’t exactly sure if he was scared that he had pushed this person away or rather they were just laughing it off. Like Steve, Bucky was also creative on paper but more with writing than anything else, he could tell stories like none could, write them even better. Paper gave him the liberty to say things that he couldn’t outloud or in person. However, he was sending these to another person -- a spitfire at that.

_It seems to me more like infatuation than love. Are you Brooklyn’s very own Romeo? Dottie left so you’re looking for your next Rosalind to mourn over. Do you not care who it is, as long as they love you back, even for a night? All right...maybe that is a bit too hard...but what makes you love the feeling of love so much, James Barnes?_

Bucky couldn’t help the silly grin on his face, as he read that one part over and over again in their rebuttal against Dottie. He could tell that whoever this person was, really spoke their mind when the need arose, or at least when something bothered them -- it sort of reminded him of his younger sisters.

“Buck, mail!” he hears Steve yell from the front of their apartment as Bucky quickly gets up and rushes to the door. A familiar blue envelope in his hands, as James quickly grabs it and opens it without much regards for anything else, as Steve shakes his head.

 

> _Dear James,_
> 
> _I am sorry for the late response, sometimes classes and work all bundle up on me. And the only thing I can say in regards to your most recent question...is that maybe you’re right. You grew up with family, friends, and all the girls ya could ever dream of. Aside from my own best friend, I grew up in an orphanage run by the Catholic Church until I turned 18. While, that is a love in and of itself, I don’t think I could understand the types of love you speak so fondly of._
> 
> _I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to stop these letters now._
> 
> _Sincerely,_
> 
> _A Curious Person._

“Nuh uh, they ain’t stopping this,” Bucky grumbles to himself, as Steve looks as if he’s grown a second head. Bucky gives him a wide grin before heading out himself, saying something about getting “more paper”.   

Steve could only hope this wouldn't end badly.


	4. 2006/1941.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please welcome to i should not be listening to death cab for cutie, because that leads to me crying over this fanfic and figuring it out how it ends.

_Washington D.C — March 18th, 2006_

**_Interview Transcript: Alice M. Davis_ **

**_Interviewer:_ ** _Can you tell us more about your mother?_

 **_Alice:_ ** _She was born 1918 in Queens, NY. Her own mother died in childbirth and I don’t think she ever knew her father, so she was raised in a Catholic orphanage until she turned 18. After that she worked as a waitress and took secretary classes until she took part in the war effort. She met my grandpa, a sailor, after the war ended and they moved to his hometown._

 **_Interviewer:_ ** _Any theory as to how she came about these letters?_

 **_Alice:_ ** _She was at a women’s boarding house for a long time, back in Manhattan. Maybe, there?_

* * *

The months move slowly as autumn turns to winter chilling your small dorm, as you get closer to completing your course -- now, if you could only find a job. Candice wasn’t as worried as much since she enjoyed the current job the two of you had, being a waitress in a diner a few blocks away, but you weren’t happy with that. Even being a secretary would be a little better than that, not that you looked down on her for it, it’s just that she was better a pleasing people than you. Though you were slowly trying to overcome that, and some other things, with Bucky Barnes’ help.

 

> _From what I understan’, you like to shut yourself up. Maybe, go out more. Have you ever gone to a dancing hall? I go at least every weekend with my friend Steve, your attitude sort of reminds me of him sometimes, ya know? Ya can’t be an oyster all ya life, live...love it with all ya got, Peaches._

Bucky, as he insisted that you call him, had been a motivator towards trying to get you out more after breaching the topic of “love”, which you rarely talked about nowadays. It now leaned more towards everyday things: what you did, talking about Candy (never mentioning Dot), and whatever else came to mind. Sometimes, he wrote back stories that had you laughing, he wrote about Steve and the Barnes girls, while demanding that you go out around the town. And while, you had never told him you name, you did allow him to call you by your childhood nickname -- Peaches.

“Are ya done writing to your sweetheart, yet?” Candice teases you, as you look up with a frown before putting your pen down. She has a dress over her usual uniform and is standing in front of the small mirror she has on her side of the room. The pink dress makes her hair pop more than usual, as she gives you that smile that you know means trouble for you.

“He ain’t my sweetheart,” you complain as all she does is shake her head. She motions you to come over, as she puts down her own dress and puts a black skirt and light-colored blouse in front of you. You frown.

“I’m not going,” you state, already knowing where this is headed and not willing to be her 3rd wheel on whatever date she is going to in Upper Manhattan -- her clear hunting ground.

“I think, you might be more inclined if I tell you where I’m going tomorrow night,” she teases you because she knows you like the back of her hand and she has noticed the small changes, even if you’re too stubborn to accept them.

“Where are ya going, Candy?”

“Brooklyn.”      

* * *

Steve could tell that there had been something different going on with Bucky for awhile now. He took more time in reading and writing those letters he still kept getting, even kept them in a small box in his room. And while his dates only diminished slightly, Bucky seemed to have his head in the clouds even around them. Steve could only worry, seeing all the old signs coming back but in a different way, like now as he sees Bucky going over the most recent letter received.

 

> _I can’t believe you had poor Steve on that roller coaster! How he keeps up with you, I have no idea. You both actually sound like a bunch of trouble to me at this point, James. But, it sounds like you had a grand old time, I’m glad ya did._

A sigh leaves Bucky’s lips and that’s all the confirmation that Steve needs. Bucky Barnes just might be in love again.

“And if I asked to meet her, Stevie?” Bucky questions, as his blue eyes turn to his oldest friend. Steve is stunned for a moment at the rosy color blooming on his friend’s cheeks -- there something different about this than when he fell in love with Dot or all the other gals before that, and Steve isn’t sure he wants to see the negative aftereffects of all that.

“I mean, there’s no harm in asking,” Steve threads lightly in what he says next, “But, she seems like a mighty stubborn gal, won’t even give ya her real name.”

“I know,” Bucky runs a hand through his hair in agitation, “But, at least I’ll get my heart broken face-to-face rather than imagining what she could be like. I wanna see her real smile, see her laugh, just not something I make up inside my head, Stevie.”

Steve just sits there in shock at the desperation in Bucky’s voice for a moment, and concedes.

“Like I said, no harm in asking.”


	5. 2008/1941.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when you finally realize how to add those red shoes to your fanfic! ahhh, inspired by one of my fav songs. actually, this whole series really is and by modern times.

_Washington D.C -- Late 2008._

**Exhibit: Lost Letters of World War II.**

“Grandma, look!” the six-year old looks up at her pointing to a familiar face, her father had taken her to the WWII exhibit earlier in the week, “The letter has the same nickname as me.”

“Of course, it would. It’s because Peaches are so sweet, just like you!” the elderly women smiles, before pushing her granddaughter along with the rest of the tour group. Her weary eyes glance up at the all-too familiar face. She knows her mother was connected to him once, but she could only imagine how. Alice sighs before going back to looking at the rest of the exhibit.

_From 1940 to 1942, James Buchanan ”Bucky” Barnes exchanged letters with a young woman from Manhattan by the simple nickname of “Peaches”. Originally thought to be the former Dolores Lewis, handwriting analysis have disproved this notion n recent years. With less than 15 letters remaining, the mystery woman of Sgt. Barnes’ life remains unknown._

* * *

> _If you wouldn’t mind, I would like to take you on a night out -- to show you good ol’ Brooklyn compared to what you have in stuffy Manhattan. Just think about it._

Here’s the thing though, Bucky’s letter had come to you two weeks too late because by that time you had already gone to Brooklyn with Candice and her current man, Henry, to dance the night away. It wasn’t like it was hard to get from Manhattan to Brooklyn on the train, but you only had so much money in your allowance -- the splurge from two weeks ago was enough to set you back a month in your savings, which is why you didn’t go out often. However, what he didn’t know is that you had already spent the night with him.

**2 weeks prior.**

You don’t know how Candice manage to convince you in the end, maybe it was the promise of those expensive chocolates -- she always knew you had a sweet tooth. So on a Friday night after work, you playing the third wheel to her and Henry, an all right lad that could only afford a suit a size too big for him but with a sweet smile. Candice is dressed to the nines with that pink dress and brown sweater that just make her hair and eyes pop out even more, her hairstyle reminds you of [ Ann Sheridan ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honeymoon_for_Three_\(1941_film\)) from the movie you had seen a while back.  

She had made you wear that bow-tie green dress that flared out a little towards your knees with a pair of red shoes. She had said it was perfect for you, not that you knew much about fashion. You don’t ask where she is taking the two of you, but once you arrive at a certain dancing hall -- the one that Dot had talked about so fondly. You turn to look at your childhood friend, as she grins.

“You swiddlin’ me, Candy?” is all you ask, but her voice is drowned out by the music. She smiles and you can’t help but shake your head. But, you end up doing what you always do -- sitting in the shadows as Candice dances with Henry, who to your surprise can keep up with the redhead who had taken dance classes as teenager. The gleam in her eyes telling you that she is surprised.

“WELL IF IT ISN’T BUCKY BARNES!” a female voice declares from the back, as you turn your head to the entrance and in that moment you promise yourself to slap Dolores silly if you ever see her. Blue eyes popped out more due to the blue suit he is wearing, slick backed brown hair with a charming smile. The nuns that raised you would have called the him the goddamn devil with how the girls are swooping around him.  

This is the man you exchange letters with and for a moment you are glad you hadn’t told him anything about yourself. Yes, your heart had been laid out multiple times in writing, but at least he would never out a name or a face to the broken heart he might leave behind one day. You could push it all down, you had done so a hundred of times before. Ladies are giggling for him to dance with them, you huff out your breathe and turn to leave some other way, only to bump with a lanky figure.

“I’m sorry,” giving the blond a weary smile. He shakes his head.

“You alright, ma’am?” he asks, as your nod in affirmation. Your smile grows a bit more at his genuine concern, however before anything else can be said Candice is grabbing your hand and dragging you away, as you shout out apologies to the small blond man.

“Candy, what are you planning?” you whisper out harshly, as she laughs before getting you to take a few dance steps because just like her, you had taken dance lessons though not as often as her.   

“Just watch,” she winks at you, as you take Henry’s hands and begin to dance to the beat of the [ new song, ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNCt6hkCUic) though you could tell that the older man was tired from dancing so much and so fast with Candy -- by two songs, he is out and you’re left alone. You’re about to move back into the shadows when a familiar face pops up in front of you with a charming smile on his face.

“Can I ask you to dance with me, miss?” blue eyes look into yours and you swear you lose your breath for a moment, which only leads you to nod. There are spins and laughter all around, for once someone can keep up with Bucky Barnes’ dancing skills and _he loves it_! There aren’t any words exchanged, but there’s a happiness and warmth running through your veins at the sight of his smiling face.

Hours pass by too quickly between dancing with a fever or simply standing at the sidelines softly, holding his hand wrapped around your waist. You glance at him from time to time, wondering if this was was how it would be like if you got to see him everyday, by his side spending the weekend dancing. He looks back at you with a bright smile and with the soft lighting, you swear your heart skips a bit -- that’s when you freeze, the clock has struck 12.

“Sweetie, we gotta go,” Candice declares, as she looks at the dark-haired man with a smile for a moment before grabbing your arm and dragging you away. It’s then the spell is broken and the entire time you’re waving at him, Bucky is asking for your name, though the music is still too loud for you to hear him. He looks at Steve with a deep sigh, as you leave into the warm Brooklyn night with Candice and Henry.     

“Well, who had you smiling all night?” Candice asks smugly because this is the first time she has ever seen you so into dancing and just generally enjoying the moment. She has known you long enough to know how you feel about certain things. She doesn’t try very hard, but there is always a push here and there from her for you to enjoy life. She was happy to have succeeded this time around.

“Bucky Barnes,” you whisper softly, but she can still hear the declaration. Green eyes widen as she stops in the middle of the street.

“You’re playing me?” Candice yells out and you can’t help but shake your head, swearing that you aren’t lying to her. Henry is confused for a moment, as he watches the two best friends giggling and gossiping all the way back to Manhattan, probably the happiest he had seen both of you.

* * *

>   _I’m sorry, but I am going to have to decline. You see, I already went to Brooklyn a while back -- to the Deuce, just so you know. And even if ya don’t remember, a Mr. Barnes gave me the time of my life that night. So thank ya, Bucky._

“WHAT? I--” Bucky goes crazy, pacing back and forth in their shared living space, Steve watching him once more, as he runs his hand through his matted hair multiple times while his face turns a little red, “I danced with her! _Why didn’t she tell me?”_

Steve could have given him hundreds of different reasons as to why the poor woman didn’t say anything, but he choose to keep them to himself. Instead he watches Bucky go through all of the girls he could from remember the weeks he had gone dancing, since they had grown few and far between, and trying to connect faces to names -- to find the lady that hadn’t said her own, but knew his so well. Then, it hits Steve.

“Red shoes,” Steve murmurs to himself, as blue eyes turn to look at him.

“What?” Bucky asks.

“The gal with the red shoes,” Steve explains remembering her small smile directed towards Bucky, already so fond of him even when they hadn’t even talked just yet,”The one I bumped into. You danced with her all night, Buck. Remember you were complaining she didn’t tell you anything.”

“Huh,” is all Bucky can say as a dopey smile blooms on his face and even Steve is shock for a moment.  

“Something else, ain’t she?” Steve asks, while laughing.

“Completely,” Bucky breathes out, suddenly a lovestruck fool.

In only he knew that was the only time he was going to get to see you -- ever.


	6. 2010/1941-1942

_New York City -- 2010_

Samantha learns a lot about herself in the year shortly after her mother’s death. She learns to forgive, she learns how strong Alice was even when everything was going downhill around her, when she was slowly losing her mind and memories to a disease they really couldn’t stop. Sammy also learned that there was a lot of things her mother feared as well -- the past was one of them, as she searched through whatever belongings Alice had left behind. Alice wrote a lot, journals and journals full of them. It was quite the opposite of her own parents, who Samantha had realized had left hardly anything behind when they passed away -- her grandmother more than either one of them.  Samantha had only realized this after reading through one of her mother’s journal dating back to sometime when this woman Sammy had never met passed away -- rather young in the 1970’s.

 

> _Aside from some jewelry, mother left nothing else behind for dad or the rest of us to remember her by. It makes me wonder if she was ready to leave. Towards the end, she just kept repeating this name over and over again, crying as dad tried to calm her down. I wonder who they could be, how much must she have loved them if she was so haunted by them. But, mom was always a secretive person -- she took those memories to the grave with her._
> 
> _I can only hope she can find peace now._

Sammy wonders this as well, but besides her older sister --married and with children-- she really has none else to turn to about such questions. And though she doesn’t know why, Samantha keeps rummaging through her mother’s old things, even going as far as to look into the old storage binds her parents had placed in upstate New York. It’s springtime when she finally manages to find her grandmother’s things: a jewelry box,  old red lipstick, some letters and books as well. She’s looking through these items when one hidden item drops, green eyes widen at the name written at the center of the envelope.

 

> _Sgt. James Buchanan Barnes._

“Ah shit, Jessie’s gonna freak,” she murmurs to herself, thinking about how big of a historical nerd her brother-in-law can be sometimes. She pockets the letter before leaving the storage place, unsure of what to do next, but Sammy had always been the driven one out of Alice’s two children.

Then, Captain America comes back from the dead, and Samantha knew she had to do something about the letter.

* * *

“And do you, Darlene take…”

Watching the ceremony in front of you, as the dark-haired beauty smiles at her husband, you come to realize what you have always sort of known -- love is a very fickle thing. It takes a strong sense of commitment to a person and the idea to start a relationship, even stronger to commit to marriage though that could always be exchanged for other things, more convenient things to said person. Glancing at Candice, who had made you come to the wedding of a mutual ‘friend’ from your dancing class days, and the bride, you wonder what exchange had been made so that they could happily be with their chosen ones at their side.

_“Don’t you love him too?” Candice asked, curious after the lights had gone out, though you were still struggling to finish your latest letter to James -- trying to finish telling him about your trip with some girls upstate. With every letter sent back, he struggles with trying to bring you back to Brooklyn --to spend the day with you, take you to his favorite places-- but you keep making up excuses even though he had even offer to pay for it. The truth was something else completely._

_“I don’t know, Candy,” you give a breathless answer, as she shakes her pretty red curls at your response. She knows you like the back of your hand, she knows your greatest fears and hopes -- and she had honestly thought that this could change how you viewed yourself, she guessed wrong._

_“Yeah, you do,” she says in a serious and even tone that makes you look away, “But, you neva gonna be happy if you keep thinking that way.”_

“I now pronounce you…”

You glance at the married couple and then to Candice who is happily holding Henry’s hand, as they had become more serious than anyone you had seen your best friend with before. Love was all around you, but your fears (Why did your mother die? Why couldn’t you had been adopted? Why was it always Candice who got the lad?) made your chest burn and ache terribly at the thought of Bucky Barnes falling in love with you, of him falling out it when there was someone more beautiful waiting around the corner. Hadn’t you just been replacement for Dolores? Who knew what he did when he wasn’t writing you lovestruck letters?

You needed James Barnes, but you were sure as hell he didn’t need you. Love wasn’t meant for you, like the nuns always told you back in the orphanage -- you weren't good enough for anyone.

“Here,” Candice murmurs softly, handing you a handkerchief as she grasps your hand tightly. To anyone else, you are just crying at a beautiful wedding taking place, but she knows the truth.

For the very first time in your life, you’re in love and in a fit of fear, you can’t have that.

 

> _Dear James,_
> 
> _I regret to inform you that I will be taking some secretarial courses outside of New York for some time. I am uncertain of when I will return, thus I completely understand if you wish to end our correspondence here._

* * *

 

Bucky sits on the letter for a long time. The excitement he had felt in autumn drags into an unfamiliar sinking feeling as he welcomes a new year -- one he had so much planned for. He had been saving up to either get to see his mysterious girl or find a way to bring back her to Brooklyn -- to ask her to be his best girl officially, but then she had sprung this on him, with no way to contact her or when she was coming back. He could keep sending letters, but he wouldn’t know who would be getting them at this point -- something that had gotten him in this predicament in the first place, but he didn’t want anyone else -- he wanted his bubbly, intelligent, if a bit sarcastic and jaded Peaches.

The question was whether she would want him back, but he could deal with that as it came, consequences be damned. He would do whatever to make her smile, to see her laugh and dance the night away with her again.

Bucky Barnes was in love, and he would try his darnedest to have her look his way.

He’s prepared for anything when he checks the mail for that day, hoping for some kind of letter even though it has been weeks since the last time she sent one. However, he gets a different notice instead with the U.S Army logo on it.

> _Draft No. 32557038._

James Buchanan Barnes has been drafted into the war effort.


	7. 2012/1942.

_ Albany, NY -- Mid-2012.  _

It’s one of those monthly dinners that Sammy has with her older sister, Angie, her husband, and their two children. Things had changed over the years as Sammy finally got a stable job and moved into Brooklyn, while most of her extended family still resides near Pittsburgh. She made an effort to be in everyone’s good graces while she kept playing detective to the letter she had found two years ago. After some poking around, she was finally receiving some pictures and letters that her mother’s brothers had kept in their personal belongings. No, there wasn’t any pictures of the ghost known as her grandmother, but just a little bit more of her writings here and there.

Going over everything she had collected so far with Angie and Jessie, she wondered what type of woman her grandmother had been. Neither her nor her sister were old enough to remember her before she passed and what she had heard from older cousins and her remaining uncles what that she was the spark of the room, though a little quite. Her and her husband complemented each other perfectly, all their children were loved, though she seemed to have the most cantankerous relationship with Alice. Sammy knowing her mother didn’t blame her. 

“Hey, have you seen this?” Angie questions, bringing Samantha out of her thoughts, while holding up a small blue book. It looks like a notebook or planner, as Sammy notices it that it comes from her Uncle Charles’ things, the oldest of her mother’s siblings. Angie opens it only to cough a little, as she quirks her eyebrow at the first. Green eyes alit with confusion as she states a name out loud neither of them have heard of before.   

“Who is that?” Sammy asks, as she gets up from her side of the couch to Angie’s in order to see more of the book. The name completely unfamiliar to her in her family’s history, except for a little memory that her mother had told her once.   

“Doesn’t it sound like a name from  _ Little Orphan Annie _ ?” Angie asks, completely not reading the room.  

“What does that even mean, Angie?” Samantha asks, confused about the whole question her sister just asked, but Angie wasn’t one to keep quiet when something, especially an interesting thought came to mind. 

“Like an undesirable name, ya know?” Angie explains, as a memory pops up for Sammy of their mother, “The type of person that people find it hard to love.”

“Wow, way to lighten up the room, Hela,” she can’t help but use Angie’s nickname from high school as the dark-haired woman frowns, “But, isn’t this mom’s old middle name. ‘Member she said she changed it to  _ Margot _ in college, that grandma was livid.” 

“Oh yeah,” Angie agrees, adding her own afterthought, “But, I can totally see why though.”   


Samantha frowns, but her head is already whirling with ideas: “We need to find how this person is connected to grandma, hell even Sgt. Barnes.”

* * *

 

Candice doesn’t talk to you the first 3 days from when you come back from Pittsburg, though Henry had been kind enough to help you to and for from the said city. You had learned a lot about the man in those few hours together: what he thought about the war effort, how he was ready if they ever called him, and what he wanted from his relationship with your best friend -- it was lovely that she had found someone that could handle her vibrancy and fitted so well with her. You could see them lasting a long time. 

However, you haven’t talked to her about it at all. Your shared room had been quiet for sometime due to her stubbornness and the sickness you had been feeling recently that keep you silent, as you try to fight back a cough. It had started during your last week up of secretary classes back in Pennsylvania, but it just seem to keep getting worse through your time back in New York.     

She doesn’t tell you about the pile of letters from a certain man sitting on your desk, and you can’t really look at them without feeling dizzy or nauseous. Over the duration of your first month back, you have chills, are more tired than usual, and wake feeling sticky and hot. Candice worried from afar until one chilly February morning your eyes are drooping and you can’t seem to get up from bed. 

“C-Candy,” you cough out as the redhead look at you from the mirror on her side of the room. Her eyes widening at the sight of your non stop coughing because while you had been the scampyier one of the two of you, she had never seen you this sick before, “--Feel so good.”

She runs up to your side of the room, sitting on your bed and places her hand on your forehead, “You’re burning up!” 

Candy hurries to the sink underneath the mirror grabbing a washcloth to run from cool water for you. However, she stops once more when you are coughing harder than before. She freezes at the sound of your coughs stopping and how there’s a large  _ plop  _ to monetary break the silence. She glance over her shoulder to see you completely passed out on the bed -- red blood staining the cloth you were holding and some of the bed sheets. Candice drops everything and runs out of the room. 

“Mrs. Winston!” she screams over and over again as she moves out the door, causing a commotion for all the other young ladies as you are left in your room -- feverish and barely breathing.

* * *

 

The start of 1942 has James Buchanan Barnes going to Fort McCoy in Wisconsin for his basic training. With a straight focus, he throws everything he has at it, to the point of getting promoted twice during his stint there. All the guys talk about the sweet gals that they left their hometowns, but Bucky never does because he isn’t sure where he stands anymore, as no more letters come his way and even some of his get returned at certain points. 

But, he keeps trying and trying -- all the way back to New York. 

> _ I’ll hold your hand, take around all the best places to see on Coney Island. Maybe, I could even win ya something in the shooting games. They tell me I’ve got a pretty good eye.  _

Bucky decides to go out the moment he comes back from basic training and even if Steve doesn’t go -- he just wants to forget, ignore that his chest is aching and that he might not get to see her before he gets called up for the war. People are laughing and dancing all around him, but all he wants to do is go back to that night a few months back, where she --her face already fading from his memory-- laughing and he had been a fool. 

That’s how Dot finds him, though he doesn’t really want to dance with her. The feelings that were fluttering almost a year ago are gone, as she takes the seat next to him and gives him a bright red smile, but Bucky only has one thing in mind. 

“What happened to your secretary classes, Dot?” he asks, as she gives him the wistful smile, ignoring how they had ended and unbeknownst to her, all the things Bucky knew she had said about him through Peaches. Thus, his heart doesn’t stop and stutter like it did before and that’s when Bucky Barnes knows -- he isn't in love with Dolores Lewis anymore, but rather a mysterious girl with a sarcastic quip though with a rather sweet nickname.

“One of the girls got sick when we all came back. They closed it down for now,” she explains, playing with her drink for a moment ignoring those widening blue eyes besides her, “Heard she got sent Stony Wold.” 

Bucky’s head swirls at the moment as Dot gets up to dance with some fella, all he cares about is hoping that it isn’t  _ her _ that Dolores was talking about. There were some similarities here and there, but he was sure that gals came in and out of the boarding house all the time. He languishes there for a moment, hoping that isn’t her -- hoping that his girl is all right. 

_ His girl.  _

If not, then he’s already lost her.      


	8. 2016/1942-’44.

_ New York City -- 2016 _

Samantha never once lets go of her little side project in life -- not once she gets married, not once she had her little boy. However, it’s hard work and as more of the lifelines that are connected to her grandmother pass away, she finds it more difficult to find anything related to the woman. The letters that she had gathered end up sitting in the back of her little brownstone, as they gather dust once more. She knows a name and a last name to the woman that her own mother had tried to forget, but that name -- the name Angie found all those years ago still haunts her -- like a person that half existed but wasn’t meant for the world -- not for as long as her grandmother had been. 

Samantha is about to give up and let this mystery rest when she gets a letter from a distant cousin that they didn’t talk about for the preservation of another marriage, one she had never heard of before but it all seems to check out once she asks Angie. There is a crumpled and yellowing piece of paper hidden within it, along with a simple post-it note. 

> _ I think this is the thing you might be looking for. Good luck, cousin. -- Catherine Howard.  _

Sammy tries her hardest not to cry at the revelation, tries even harder not to cry in the aftermath of reading the letter. Later on, when she and her little family see the Avengers tearing each other apart in the footage over the Accords and things she will probably never understand, Sam gets up and does even more research than ever before. She looks up anything related to the two names engraved in her mind now, she makes calls and tries to get details of records and people that have been lost to time. 

She tries her hardest for her grandmother, a name long forgotten, and the name --who had probably known more suffering than she has ever experienced-- written with love within the letter. 

> _ You deserve the world and the stars, James. I hope you always remember that. _

Samantha can’t help but think so as well.

* * *

 

_ Tuberculosis. _

That is the diagnosis that they give you, a death sentence pretty much from the start that you can’t help but laugh a little because it’s all your fears come to fruition. Candice can’t stop crying, even more so when the doctors tell her that they could send you away for some low cost treatment in a facility called Stony Wold --  for the first time since you can remember, Candice isn’t going to be by your side. It scares you and it crushes her even more. However, you don’t have much of a say in the process that follows. At this point, you’re a simple infection that needs to be handled and gotten rid of. 

Candice doesn’t stop crying, as you hand all the letters that she hadn’t noticed you had written for a certain someone, but never sent. You make her promise that she’ll never send them either. 

Fate is cruel, and you are now certain that Bucky Barnes will never need you in this life again. 

But, you keep writing -- to Candice, to Henry, sometimes even to Bucky. Sometimes, you think that the pen and paper in your grasp are the only things keeping you alive. 

“How are you doing today, my dear?” you turn up to look from your letter writing to see the owner of the hospital --Mrs. Newcomb-- giving you a soft smile, as she wraps her hand around yours. In the short time, you had been here you found yourself becoming some sort of friends with the elderly woman, as you talked about anything that came to your mind when she was around -- you told her about Candy, Henry, and even Bucky. 

And to be truthful, her own recovery from the disease made you a bit hopeful that you could recover in some way as well. 

“Good,” is all you manage to say for today, as she gives you a hearty smile. It’s then you seen the strange man standing at the entrance of the room you share with 10 other women. The man is tall with blond hair with glasses while dressed in a three-piece blue suit, which you wonder how he can afford it in this climate. It sets a deep worry within you, as Mrs. Newcomb sees who you are starting at. 

“Aw, you already saw Dr. Trudeau,” the elderly woman smiles, as she motions for the man to come in. He has a serious look on his face, as she begins to explain,”We actually wanted to talk to you about being part of a group experiment for a new cure -- the thing that cured me actually.” 

You perk up at sound of that, as you look at both of these two people that are supposed to be looking after your health, but at that single declaration you are ready to do anything to get better -- and maybe, Mrs. Newcomb knew that. You don’t really think about it when you agree to the whole deal -- if only you had know better. 

It’s needles and prodding until you are too weak to move, until all you are doing is sleeping the day away. However, you notice it -- people that have been here both longer and shorter time than you pass away without a word being said. Yet, you’re still alive -- if you could really call it that. Dr. Trudeau is so proud of himself, though you don’t see Mrs. Newcomb anymore after that first initial talk. You’re sick and alone -- just like you always thought you would be in the end. Anything that comes after that you don’t really care anymore.

You don’t know how many days or months (in actuality it's been years) have passed to the point that you are too weak to send Candice anymore letters, but you keep writing and writing --  

The good doctor tells you the time has arrived, but you don’t understand and even then you are too weak at this point to fight back. 

**It’s 1944, when it finally happens.**

The needle is inserted into your arm, as your breathing starts picking up only to slow down as your heart starts to rush at the medicine entering your body. Your vision starts to get hazy, as the sounds of the screaming nurse becomes static to your ears, though for a moment you swear you see Dr. Trudeau smiling -- as if joyful over something, but there is nothing you can say as that cotton ball feeling starts to fill up your throat. 

The next evening, Candice gets the news -- her best friend had died in her sleep the morning before. She had taken a quick nap and never woke up -- dreaming about a soldier she never got to see again. 

Candice lives with a broken heart for the rest of her life.

* * *

 

James Buchanan Barnes tries one last time, one last time to see the gal of his dreams after Steve pushes him to take that final step because the younger man knows from personal experience what happens to those with a certain disease -- know that if it’s her, James will never see her again. 

Thus, Bucky Barnes takes the subway into Manhattan dressed in his military uniform, nervous and sweating about the thought of seeing her again. However, instead of seeing the bustling boarding house that she used to describe, he is meet with complete emptiness as everything is boarded up with a large sign reading:  _ CLOSED _ .   

Nobody is there to welcome him, as he takes off his military cap and runs a hand through his hair in frustration -- to keep the tears and emotions at bay before heading back to Brooklyn. 

Steve never hears the end result of Bucky’s trip to Manhattan, but he knows deep down what it was -- how this was going to end in the long run, but neither of them bring it up again as Bucky gets ready to leave.  

The rest is left to history, as Bucky Barnes enters the war effort only to be lost and found by his dear friend, Steve Rogers. The man keeps pushing forward until his own demise in early 1945 -- a name better left forgotten than forever mourning the loss of what never happened, it was easier for Bucky that way. Letters were burned and lost on both sides with what little was left being saved by a friend who couldn’t bare either of these precious people --especially her own best friend-- being lost to the rest of the world. 

Until a letter was found by chance, everything was just a matter of time and patience. 

Because fate is cruel that way, especially when it comes to love, but sometimes it’s just a wait -- a very long wait. 

As neither you nor James Buchanan Barnes make it out of the 1940′s alive. 


	9. 2018/???.

_New York City -- 2018._

> _BREAKING NEWS: SGT. JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES HAS BEEN ACQUITTED OF ANY CHARGES AGAINST US GOVERNMENT._

Samantha screams from her kitchen at the sound of the news from her living room. Her husband and children look at her with a variety of looks from confusion to amusement, as she jumps in glee over the news that she had been watching over for months since the fractured Avengers had returned from Wakanda with the goodwill of the President and Tony Stark. Since the second purge of HYDRA had gone down within the US government and several political leaders --including one former Secretary of State-- had been connected to that never ending, godawful organization.

“Finally going to send in that letter, huh?” her husband, concerned but excited over it all finally ending can’t help but ask.

“Soon, soon,” she can’t help but murmur is a type of cathartic happiness over all of it. However, there are still some loose ends that need to be tied together before she gathered all her courage to send the letter she had been thinking about years.

She kisses her youngest daughter --named after two women she had been chasing for years-- on the forehead, and hopes that James Barnes finally gets the peace he so desperately deserves.   

* * *

 Catherine Howard is the spitting image of her grandmother -- vibrant red hair, green eyes, and a sense of humor to match. However, unlike most of the children and grandchildren from the immediate family of Candice and Henry Mitchell, she is largely forgotten - a product of a one night stand of one of their sons and a woman he would rather forget and like her grandmother put up for adoption shortly after her birth.

It might have been that background that made her search desperately for her story, but she hit some bumps along the way -- dug up things that she didn’t understand. But her skills in snooping were impressive, enough to get Nick Fury’s attention when she was just out of college.

It was her connections to a certain project that solidified the deal. Said project looking at her with unfocused eyes and a large yawn echoing in the facility that you had been kept in for years.

“Candy?” is the first thing out of your mouth, as you stare at the beautiful woman before you and while she looks the same as your dear friend, there  is something colder her about her that makes you coot away from her. It’s then that everything comes back to you in flash.

Candice. Henry. Mrs. Newcomb. Dr. Trudeau. The sickness, the illness, falling asleep and as you look at bright green eyes, you can’t help but let out a whimper of fear -- unsure what will happen next.    

Catherine smiles and sits next to you. A file in her hand, as you give her a wide eyes look, as she states: “Welcome to the 21st century, Peaches.”

You try to stop yourself from crying right then and there.

* * *

 It takes you a long while to get used to this new time -- to all the changes that have passed you by and everything you are connected to what had happened to you. Catherine, or as she makes you call her “Cathy”, tells you that Candice and Henry had a good life in Pittsburgh -- that she was happy with her long life, that she even named her daughter after you and only really regretted on thing in life. You didn’t need to put two and two together to figure out what.

“Whose child are you then?” you can’t help but ask one day, as you and Cathy are watching _I Love Lucy._ It was one of the few shows that to actually enjoyed.

“ _Nobody’s,_ ” she gives you a bitter grin before laughing at some silly antic that made Ethel mad, though you could connected with her answer as an orphan yourself, before going back to watching the television.

In way Cathy was like Ethel: stubborn, sharp-tongued, and a bit distant but you saw a but of Candy shine in her from time to time -- loyal and sometimes she enjoyed being the life of the party. It was hard but you were getting used to it, you were close to calling her a friend, but something always blocked you from doing so.  

Cathy tries her hardest not to hide things from you, from what she does to what exactly S.H.I.E.L.D is (plus who they once were) and what they want from you since you didn’t really have any powers besides the longevity and fast-paced healing abilities that the shot had given you decades ago.  There are a lot of things that they don’t know about Dr. Trudeau's experiments, so they watch you with a watchful eye and you let them -- let them test you and prod you with whatever they have without a word of anger or discomfort.

You really have nothing to live for, if you thought about it -- everyone you loved was dead. You’re only thread to this new world was Cathy and it wa only for a few hours every other day. It’s was then, when you were alone that you thought of him -- if he came back from the war, if he got married and had a happy life.

You dream about it all the time, let it suffocate you until you can’t breath and you wake up with tears in your eyes.

You finally decide to ask her one day, after all the tests are over and done with.

“Catherine,” she stops at the sound of her full name, parted lips and curious green eyes, “Can I ask you one thing...and you’ll be completely honest with me.”

She squares her shoulders like a soldier, like she has been waiting for this.

“I’ll try to be, that’s all I can promise.”

“Can’t you tell me what happened to Bucky Barnes?”

* * *

 

10 months, it take Samantha that amount of time to sit down and finally write that letter and while many others are ignored by Steve Rogers or pushed aside by the rehabilitating Bucky Barnes -- this one has a little push along the way by a certain person within a certain organization to reach its destination.

A blue envelope makes its way to the certain counter top one sunny morning, as a certain recovering amnesiac is sitting down with his journal and his cup of oatmeal after his morning run. He takes a deep breathe before he tries to make his way back to the memories he had been trying to grasp since coming back stateside when the dreams started all over again, not of the Winter Soldier but of that _old_ Bucky Barnes -- the one that had a family once, that fell in love so easily once.

James isn’t trying to become him once more, but is trying to mourn and give peace to lost part of his life for once and for all. He dreams of tight smiles and red shoes, but he knows that he can’t drown in something that it dead and gone.

It’s in that one moment when he sees it, his full name on an envelope -- haunting him like most things in his life had since he had broken out of HYDRA’s grasp. Bucky lets out a shuddering breath as he reads the post-it note attached to the blue envelope.  

> _Do you remember--_   
> 
> _Peaches._

Somewhere, the clock strikes for the wait to come a bit closer to the end.


	10. present day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for taking the time to read this if you did. here’s the ending, may it be a happy one! 
> 
> Please enjoy and feedback is always welcomed.

Cathy ends up telling you a lot of things, under great discretion and after getting permission from Director Fury, through the next couple of days – about everything she knows that has had happened to Bucky Barnes and by extension Steve Rogers since you had last heard of them. Seventy plus years of information is thrown at your lap as you learn about the Winter Soldier, about the Avengers, and the break that happened between them after Bucky was found to be alive again. Cathy always makes sure to ask you if you want to know more, but you just shake your head in shake and have her simply go over the details in a quick gloss over sort of way. **  
**

It’s a big enough deal already that you know that he is alive in the same era as you, that somehow he is still in New York, but you aren’t the same people that you were once in the 1940’s. You have come to terms that the version of you, the one that lived and grew up with Candice, is dead and gone.

You have to make your best in living in the now, and that means learning everything you can and playing catch up because you cannot simply sit ideally by and do whatever S.H.I.E.L.D might have planned for you, but you can’t just go completely out on your own –  there has to be a middle point between the two.

James Buchanan Barnes is trying his hardest –with everything that had happened to him– out there somewhere too, and you can’t let him beat you!

After Cathy catches you up on everything, you look into her green eyes and declare: “Cathy, I want to go outside, I want to learn everything that I have been missing out on!”

She stares at you with wide eyes before nodding, unsure of where this changed in attitude came from but she is more than willing to help you – she just needs to find the right outlets for a recently unfrozen and potentially now-enhanced gal from the 1940’s to catch up with the times.  

“Sure, sure,” she states with a smile, “But what about Sgt. Barnes?”

“What about him?” you question softly and apprehensively, “I am sure that James wouldn’t what some figure from the past he might not even remember come back and haunt him. I’m sure he is fine.”

_I’m sure he doesn’t need me._

Cathy catches as the underlying statement in your words and while she can’t help but feel that you would need some connection to the past to anchor you, she knows that you have a point and pushes the idea to the corners of her mind for another day.

“I guess, we need to find you a tutor or something like that.”

“That would be a good start!”

* * *

**  
**Steve watches a familiar scene play itself over again as one Bucky Barnes agonizes over the familiar name of Peaches. When he first saw the letter, Bucky wasn’t sure who the name being addressed what connected to and it sent him into a panic attack. It takes Steve’s memories from that time and Sam’s reassurance to get him to even think about what this could be about, even longer than that to agree to talk to the woman that sent the letter. **  
**

Bucky is apprehensive at best about all this – he doesn’t what to remember things that should be happy memories, things that don’t belong to him but a version of Bucky Barnes that is in the history books and in Steve’s memories. He doesn’t deserve any of this, but as Steve pats his shoulder promising that he won’t be there far from where he is meeting this Samantha.

“It’ll be alright, Bucky,” Steve says with bright blue eyes and a hopeful, “Maybe, they just want some closure on all this stuff, you don’t really know unless ya try.”

“Nice speech, punk.”

“Jerk.”

* * *

Steve watches Bucky take a seat in a diner not too far from the Avengers Tower. His face hidden with the perfect disguise – a cap and glasses as he sits down and the waitress takes his order. Two figures walk in twenty minutes apart, as one takes a seat in front of Bucky and the other one takes a seat in the booth behind Steve. **  
**

“Mr. Rogers,” the voice whispers nods before ordering a glass of water.  

“Ms. Howard,” he answers back tersely because even though Steve still didn’t trust anyone that worked directly with S.H.I.E.L.D, even through its resurrection with Coulson as its direction before Fury stepped in once more.

However, Steve couldn’t deny the facts laid in from of him from the file Agent Howard had given him a few months back, it wasn’t that hard to believe with his own background, even less when he finally saw the day-to-day pictures of a certain woman he had meet only once. And while, Steve was anxious over the details of everything that had happened to her – he knew one thing…

“I hope you’re right about this.”

“I’m never wrong, sir,” Steve swears that the woman is smiling on the other side of the booth they are sharing, as he watches Bucky’s reactions to the story that unfolds before him.

* * *

Samantha, after taking her younger child to daycare, ends up in Manhattan in a quaint little diner that reminds of the time that has been haunting her for so long. The man sitting across from her, with his long haired pulled back in a bun wearing a cap to hide his face does as well, but in a different sort of way. She gives him an awkward smile before pulling out a little folder everything that she had gathered from all different types of sources over  the years. **  
**

She introduces herself and only orders a glass of water, Bucky does the same but she can get a word in.

“Why exactly–?” Bucky coughs out nervously, “Why are you doing this?”

“Oh,” Samantha states, as if she wasn’t expecting that as his first question. Thus, she starts off the shorter version of the story she has replayed in her head more than a dozen times before – about how her mother found a letter written by him, which had lead to a long search of finding out who exactly Peaches was and how this and he was truly connected to her family. Bucky stays silent the entire time.

“Recently,” Samantha starts off as she pulls out another familiar blue envelope though slightly yellowed due to time and circumstance, “I was sent this by one of my cousins, said they found it with some older letters. I think it was her last.”

She hands it to the former Winter Soldier, who touches with the most delicate of ease that he can muster. His name written in unfamiliar cursive, as he turns the envelope and takes out a yellow piece of paper. Samantha stays quite as he takes in all that is written for him.  

> _My Dearest Bucky, **  
> **_
> 
> _Ya know, now that I write it out, it sound sort of foolish, but that’s how I think of you nowadays. How are you? I hope the war, another stupid thing to say, is treating you as well as it can — I saw your picture on the newspaper the other day, I’ve kept it by my bedside since. I don’t really know if ya’ll ever get this letter, but I feel these are things that need to be written out._
> 
> _I’m dying, James. Tuberculosis, can you believe that? Candice wouldn’t stop crying the moment I told her, but I just sort of accepted it — I don’t think I was meant for a long life, anyways. I don’t think I was meant for much…I mean what could any orphan, a woman at that accomplish? You’re frowning and thinking I’m been a damp cloth again, I know._
> 
> _However, as the time gets closer, I only ever regret not meeting you in person. I mean we did meet once, but I was too much of a coward to tell you — but, ya gotta know, that dance at the Three Spades is my fondest memory. I was a coward not to meet ya back in Coney Island, I was a fool not to meet you when you were shipped off…and I’m sorry._
> 
> _I know in the beginning we talked about love and how foolish I thought it was, but here’s my worst kept secret of all — I never thought I was meant for love, to be giving it or receiving, but ya changed that, Bucky. I think this little stupid life of mine was meant for one thing now — loving Bucky Barnes, even for just a little._
> 
> _I don’t know what happens after all this, after you come back. But, I hope you have the best life possible! You deserve the world and the stars, James. I hope you always remember that._
> 
> _I doubt I’ll ever see you again, but thank you (just a little) about teaching me the meaning of “I love you”._
> 
> _–Sincerely…_

**  
**“When did she…” Bucky’s eyes are a little red and his voice slightly horse, as he stops himself from letting go of the sob stuck in his throat in order to ask the question. **  
**

“Late 1944,” Samantha responds, and Bucky knows in his heart of hearts exactly what day she probably passed away.

He knew it had to be before or even on the day of his own “death”, it would have been a little late in getting to the States, but you had still written the letter like he was still alive – and for that, Bucky could be a little happy in knowing that you never heard of what had happened to him, of you never realizing the horror he suffered.

“I went to the orphanage a few days ago,” Samantha talks softly, as she pulls out a small envelope, “Hounded them for any info they had on them…And the gave me this.”

Samantha pulls out an old and badly kept together photograph, however its center –two young woman– is clear as day. On the left, a tall red-haired women with a bright smile as her shoulder is slung over the woman on her right who looks annoyed though with a smaller smile on her face. The writing stating “ _Graduation 1936, Candice and…_ ” is almost unreadable towards the end, but Bucky can’t help but pick it up and caress the familiar face – one he only saw once in his long life.

“Candy couldn’t live in New York anymore after the War,” Sammy explains a bit more, though she knows Bucky is lost in starting at the woman that wrote to him so long ago, “She got hitched to my grandfather and headed to Pittsburgh, had three boys and a girl. Alice, but she was always known as…”

“ _Peaches_ ,” Bucky finishes, as his eyes never leave your face. The one that haunted him in his dreams sometimes when he tried to hard to remember the past life Steve talked about so fondly. You were a flash in the can, but now you were shining so brightly in front of him.

“That’s all I wanted to let you know,” Samantha finishes awkwardly with a smile, before getting up, “After everything that you have gone through, you’re a good man, Mr. Barnes. I think she knew that as well and I feel like I was sent to remind you of that– as weird as that might sound to you. Her letter is a reminder of that and I think you should keep it.”  

“I–Thank you,” is all Bucky can say, as she nods and walks out of the diner. Her family’s story and connection to one Jame Buchanan Barnes over and done with, and Samantha hopes that everyone –her mother, Candice, and even Peaches can finally rest in peace knowing that.

Bucky sits there alone, thinking for a good while, before getting up. He glances and Steve and motions for him to not to follow, that he needs some time alone to think and process everything that he had just heard.

* * *

_“Are you sure this is going to work?” **  
**_

_“You’re too nervous, Rogers. I’ve timed this perfectly.”_

_“It’s just–”_

_“I know, I know. But, everything will be fine, I’m sure of it.”_

* * *

Bucky digs into his hands into his hoodie, though careful not to damage the old letter and picture. He lets out a heavy sigh, thinking about the words written, of what he could remember and of the unknown that still haunted him. As much as he wanted to deny he wasn’t that boy that went off to war, he was still affected by those words on the wrinkled yellow and he still wanted to do right by them – be everything she thought of him. Love had passed him by (dead and gone in another era), but there were some many things that he could still accomplish and learn in the present. **  
**

He just needed to take the step forward – he just didn’t know that another step was being taken for him as well.

_“Cathy, I don’t think you can be in love with someone after one day.”_

For a moment, a feminine voice filters through his hazy memory, as he catches a shadow come out of a side street, talking on their phone: “No, I don’t care how cynical I sound.”

They are both too busy to notice that they are in each other’s path, and maybe fate decides to finally be kind to Bucky Barnes for once, as they crash into each other.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” is all she says, before sidestepping and moving forward down the street.

“Sorry,” Bucky mumbles. Blue eyes don’t look up to see the woman, he can guess, he dumped into.

However, something glimmers and shines in the sunlight, thus catching his attention as she keeps walking past him. Bucky’s heart thumps in his chest at the flash of a memory he has for a second, wondering if something up above is playing with him, being kind, or if he’s finally going insane – that this is the last straw. He stops and turns, seeing the woman walking further away, her  _ **red shoes**_ gleaming in the sunlight.

Bucky lets out a name he has never spoken before in the middle of the street, never got the chance of knowing all those decades ago. People stare at him, worried and confused, but all he cares about is that figure stopping to look at him – a clearly confused look on her pretty face.

“I think I’m gonna have to call you later, Cat,” she explains in her momentary confusion before disconnecting the phone call and staring into wide blue eyes. Her own full of a mix of emotions though recognition begins to flicker brightly in them, as she walks just a bit closer to him before stopping – completely unsure of what is going on, of how exactly this is happening.

They stand still for a long time, never moving until Bucky Barnes decides to take the first step, murmurs the first word in a situation that has be frozen for close to 80 years, even though he doesn’t understand everything that that is going on and why at the moment, he jumps at the chance her timid smile is giving him.    

And maybe now, Bucky Barnes can have a semblance of a happy ending - as in a few years, he returns the yellow, wrinkled letter to its rightful owner. A return to sender if you will, but not really — not when he has her every day of his life now.

**Author's Note:**

> catch me on the flip side: [writing tumblr](http://the-canary.tumblr.com/)


End file.
